Parenting—a topic that has become a lucrative venture for workshop conductors, influencers, and self-proclaimed life coaches (ugh!). Yet, amidst the noise of monetized advice, it remains an intimate, deeply personal journey that no seminar can fully encapsulate.
When you cradle that tiny, new bundle of awakening humanity in your arms, the moment is filled with unparalleled joy and anticipation. But with it comes the profound weight of responsibility. Every parent aspires to be the best, hoping their child will one day see them as the ideal parent. At the same time, we nurture dreams of our child excelling in every arena—academics, extracurricular activities, moral values, and etiquette.
Today, parenting advice abounds in books, articles, and resources. While these can be helpful, I believe the true essence of parenting lies in personal insights and lived experiences.
When I became a parent for the first time, my dear, serious, and sombre father lovingly gifted me a copy of Benjamin Spock’s renowned book on parenting. It was his way of helping his young daughter navigate the uncharted waters of motherhood. At the time, I marveled at his thoughtfulness, though it did cross my mind later—did he parent us with the help of a book? This was the same man I held in awe for deftly handling my tempestuous teenage self! (Not that I thought this then—my dad was my hero, my Superman.)
A professor and scholar, my father sought knowledge in books, and to a large extent, so do I. But amidst the whirlwind of new parenthood, that book found itself buried under piles of nappies I washed and ironed myself (as my mother insisted, fearing anyone else might bring an “evil eye” to my baby). Despite my resolve to honor my father’s wisdom, I discovered that the real lessons in parenting were not tucked away in pages but emerged through intuition, perseverance, and experience.
The journey was full of memorable struggles—feeding Farex and Cerelac (yes, I’d sneak a few spoonfuls for myself, much to my husband’s amazement at how quickly the tin emptied!), teaching the first alphabet (I sketched peaks and struck them through to form “A” with the help of every lady in our unit), and maintaining an academic routine across countless army postings (13 schools by the time my child completed Class 12).
I learned to recognize my children’s unique challenges and adapt. My son loved taking tests but disliked studying, so I made daily test papers to engage him—an approach that later helped him excel in the entrance exams of the nation’s best institutes. When my younger child struggled with mathematics, I sat beside her, solving sums to spark her interest.
Yet, what worked for my son didn’t work for my daughter. Each child is different, and parenting is an art of strategizing, adapting, and persevering. It means enduring tantrums but never hesitating to point out their mistakes, as I perceived them through my (perhaps orthodox) lens.
I recently read an interview where Aishwarya Rai said, “Every mother knows.” I couldn’t agree more.
In a nutshell, I believe parenting boils down to one essential ingredient: commitment. And from my journey, here are some truths I hold dear:
- Parenting cannot be outsourced. You must be present—physically, emotionally, and mentally.
- They should know about their family and its realities- Expose kids to stories of their ancestors, their struggles, and achievements.
- Discourage the Attitude of Entitlement- This will nurture confidence but not overconfidence.
- No tuition until at least Class 7 or 8. Let them develop independence in learning.
- Be there for them, but don’t smother them. Allow space for individuality to thrive.
- If you’re a teacher, don’t enroll them in your school. Avoid unnecessary pressure.
- Never be afraid to correct them. Discipline is a form of love. Give praise/correction when required.
- Be a full-time observer, but learn to trust. Balance vigilance with faith in their judgment.
- Let them know how much you love them. Affection is the foundation of confidence.
- Be adaptable. One size never fits all in parenting.
- Set firm boundaries about behavior—and practice them yourself. Children learn more from what you do than what you say.
- Trust yourself and your instincts. You know your child better than anyone else.
Parenting is not about perfection. It’s about being present, learning as you go, and loving unconditionally. Remember, no one knows your child better than you do—and no workshop or book can ever replace your instincts.
